Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Randomize
