Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
