Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
