dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
