I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
