If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
