you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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