fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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