does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
