Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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