Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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