Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
