she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He passed out mid-signature
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
