Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I just googled if crying burns calories
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
