how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
