Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
