Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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