i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
