I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
