I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
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