dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
I feel great
I just peed on a car
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
