i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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