i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Someone signed my nipple.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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