...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
