the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize