Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
