I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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