Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
