I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Randomize
