i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
