also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize