I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
