just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
