yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
She needs sedatives and a leash
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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