I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Randomize
