So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
