i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
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I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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