Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
