How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
