shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
