when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
