Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
