at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
