i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Randomize