I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize