I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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