Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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