I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
