don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
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My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
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I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
is it fun? or sober?
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