I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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