So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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