Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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