I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
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