I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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