If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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