I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
