I haven't been this sober since birth.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
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We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
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I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
and you fell through a lawn chair
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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