You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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