I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
handjob tips. give me some.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Randomize
