I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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