I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My ass is underappreciated
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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