I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You need Xanax blowdarts
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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