I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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