nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
