Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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