it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize