which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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