It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
