I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
