I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
either way he was missing a nipple.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
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Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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