Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
