i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
either way he was missing a nipple.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
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